


My snowman.

by amaya_mori541



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Death, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:21:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28876353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaya_mori541/pseuds/amaya_mori541
Summary: -Don't you think it's time to let me go, Hajime?IWAOI ONE-SHOTSad, Angst, MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH.I'm also on wattpad as @kakyoinslerolero
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	My snowman.

**Author's Note:**

> The idea came while listening to Snowman by Sia. That song lives in my head.  
> Sorry if the translation isn't perfect, English isn't my first language. I tried to translate my story just for fun and to get better at English. Enjoy.

That day Tokyo seemed wrapped in a white tender coat, it would have started to snow soon. The icy air freezed the lungs, the soft snowflakes wet any surface they touched.  
A guy was walking down the cold streets of the capital.  
-Winter sucks...- mumbled Iwaizumi. He had just finished his classes at University and it was finally holiday time, though he had no one to spend it with.  
Tokyo was soon covered by an empty, sick aura, or at least this is what the guy felt; that white, dull sky, that pale scenery, Iwaizumi felt an unpleasant feeling.  
Snow means Christmas, kids playing, happiness.  
But Iwaizumi hated it.  
He couldn't understand why it had always been that way.  
When he was a kid, even if he hated it, he would often play outside with snow: there had always been someone that forced him to go out when the first snowflakes started to fall.  
-Hurry up! Let's get dressed and go outside, it's snowing!  
-I've already told you that I prefer hot weather.  
-I don't care, let's go!  
Every year the same bullshit: Iwaizumi really couldn't stand his friend when he acted that way... but what was his name again? He had unclear memories of him, he couldn't remember a single detail of his voice nor his face; he couldn't remember him, but he was sure they were close in the past.

-FUCK THIS SHITTY SNOW!- he entered his house shouting and slamming the door.  
What had changed? Why did he hate it so much? Well, he never liked it, but when he was younger he had so much fun with his friend, even though he hated the cold and coming back home all wet. He didn't just hate it, he was angry with it. He wanted to destroy it, to make it disappear, he hated snow like it was his biggest enemy. He hated snow like it stole him something.  
Or someone.  
Iwaizumi couldn't explain his grudge towards the snow. He just hated it.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The next day, Iwaizumi reluctantly went outside. He walked the snowy streets of Tokyo: the snow under his shoes made a soft, nostalgic sound, the cold scent of the air reached his lungs.  
He stopped in a park, no one was there so he thought it was the perfect place to eat his milk bread and watch the little white diamonds fall on the ground. He sat on a bench and took his lunch out of the tinfoil.  
-Milk bread, my favourite! I can smell it from here!- a guy sat next to him.  
-Do I know you?  
-Tooru Oikawa, nice to meet you.  
-Hajime Iwaizumi... your name sounds familiar.  
-Must be a coincidence!  
-Do you want some?  
-Uh?  
-You're looking at this bread like it was the love of your life.  
-W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!- the stranger blushed- Well, if it's not a problem for you...  
-Tsk- Iwaizumi shared his lunch with that weird guy. He was a little bit taller than him, thin but muscular, his hair was brown and wavy and looked like a soft cloud; he had a peculiar face, with deep brown eyes, a perfect nose and a “sexy smile”, or so we could say. He was wearing a blue coat and beige trousers, he also had a pair of glasses.  
-So, Iwaizumi... what do you do in life?  
-Why do you care?  
-C'mon!  
-I'm studying to become an athletic trainer.  
-Cool!  
-What about you?  
-I play volleyball, I'll soon join the Club Athetlico San Juan.  
-C-CLUB ATHLETICO SAN JUAN? YOU'RE A PROFESSIONAL PLAYER THEN! Which role?  
-Calm down! I'm a setter, why?  
Iwaizumi felt a pain in the head. He saw the image of a guy from behind, he wore a white and light blue shirt with the number one, the captain's. The image disappeared.  
-Are you okay?  
-Yeah...  
-Did you play volleyball in highschool?  
-Yes, I was the ace  
-I know!  
-Y-you know?  
Oikawa's facial expression changed, he seemed terrified by his own words.  
-I must have seen you in some game...  
-I don't think so, where do you come from?  
-It doesn't matter! I'm sure I've seen you somewhere, but maybe I mistook you for someone else...  
-This doesn't make sense.  
-Yes, it doesn't make SENSE... I hope snow is enough DENSE to handle it!  
(In italian it is “Il tuo discorso fa acqua da tutte le parti” “Sì, fa acqua... speriamo che non sciolga la neve!”, which literally translates in “Your talk leaks water from all sides” “Yes, it does... I hope snow doesn't melt!”. I didn't know how to put it in English, sorry D:)  
Iwaizumi put on a disgusted look.  
-Gomen gomen gomen! It was a terrible joke!  
-Yes, it was.  
-I must go now, let's keep in touch Iwa-chan!  
-Since when are we this close- another pain in the head. This time Iwaizumi saw a drawing of an alien. Why an alien? And why did he felt so uncomfortable since he met that guy a few minutes before? When he finally looked up the stranger wasn't there anymore.

-Mommy, why does that guy talk to himself?- a little boy asked to his mom.  
-Kensho, don't say it out loud!- “mumbled” the woman- Forgive him, he's so naughty!  
-No worries, miss- answered Iwaizumi.  
“Talking to himself”?  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The next day, on Christmas eve, Hajime went to the supermarket to buy a few things he needed.  
-IWA-CHAAAAAN!  
-What a coincidence... you're here too, Oikawa  
-Yes! Just buying a few things for Christmas lunch, nothing special since I'll be alone  
-Another coincidence, I'll be alone too  
-REALLY? LET'S SPEND IT TOGETHER THEN!  
-I'm sorry, what?  
-Iwa-chan, let's spend Christmas together  
-Stop calling me that! We aren't that close!  
-What about Hajime?  
-Just Iwaizumi! You really are a pain in the ass, Shittykawa...  
-Uhm?  
-God, I'm sorry. I really don't know why I said that, please forgive me- why the hell did he just call a stranger “shitty Oikawa”? Again, he felt a terrible pain in the head.  
-Don't worry, you should call me like that! I really am a pain in the ass!  
-Anyway, let's do it. Let's buy some food for tomorrow.  
Oikawa's eyes lit up as he heard those words, agreeing to do the shopping with that grumpy guy. Iwaizumi felt really uncomfortable: why did the customers of the market look at them that way? They were simply doing the shopping together.  
No, why did they look at HIM that way? People seemed to not notice Oikawa and they looked at Iwaizumi with concern. He couldn't understand why.  
-Well, I must go now. Come tomorrow at my place, 11am. Do you remember the street where I live?  
-Of course!  
-Hope you don't get lost... see you tomorrow, Oikawa  
-See you!  
Iwaizumi's voice always sounded annoyed, but Oikawa found it cute.  
He always had, but Iwaizumi couldn't remember it.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
-MERRY CHRISTMAS IWA-CHAN!  
-Merry Christmas. Come in- the shorter guy welcomed his guest in the apartment. It was small and there were no Christmas decorations, but it was somehow cozy.  
-Ready to cook?- asked Oikawa.  
-I am, what about you?  
Oikawa tried to keep a straight face.  
-You can't cook, right?  
-HOW DID YOU KNOW?  
-I knew it since you tried to suggest some culinary combinations yesterday, they were terrible. And you also look pretty nervous  
-DAMN! Alright, then you'll cook and I'll decorate the house!  
-Decorate?  
-I knew you weren't the type to decorate, so I brought something!  
-So that's why you brought so many bags...  
Iwaizumi started cooking and Oikawa hopped in the apartment, placing decorations and snowballs everywhere.  
-MHHHH IWA-CHAN THIS IS DELICIOUS! You never fail with the cook!  
-You're talking like you've already eaten something cooked by me in the past, Oikawa  
-Sorry, I meant that I'm sure you never fail if you can cook like this!  
-Again you're saying things that don't make any sense.  
-You're right... Listen, do we want to watch a Christmas movie later?  
-No, I can't stand Christmas movies. Why don't we go out?  
-You don't look like a “snow-lover”  
-Yes, I don't like it. But who knows, I could enjoy it if I was with you  
They both blushed.  
-Sorry, I didn't mean...  
-Don't worry! Alright, let's go out!  
After lunch, the “Christmas buddies” went outside dressed like they were going to climb the Mount Everest: the wind was colder than ever and the air was freezing.  
-It's so cold today  
-Yeah... ACHOO!  
-Oikawa, you've been sneezing for 10 minutes now, your nose is red!  
-Sorry, I'm actually of weak constitution... Ahhh Iwa-chan, I got the chills  
-If you catch a cold I'm totally kicking your ass  
-How can you be so mean to me!  
-Why didn't you tell me? We would have stayed home!  
-You looked so happy, I couldn't refuse!  
-Of course, getting sick is way much better! Let's go home Oikawa- Iwaizumi took the other guy by the hand, realizing what he did only after a few steps.  
-Don't misunderstand...  
-Don't worry... I should go home now...- Oikawa freed his hand by Hajime's grip and started walking in the other direction.

“What a freak...” thought Iwaizumi.

When he was back at the apartment, the guy threw himself on the bed and checked his phone. He had 2 text messages from Hanamaki and Matsukawa, two of his highschool friends.

[Hi Iwaizumi! We're in Osaka, this city is so cool! Merry Christmas!  
Mattsun  
P.S. Are you okay?]

Attached to the message there was a selfie of the two in front of a strange building. Hanamaki and Matsukawa were making a silly face like they always did in pictures, they were called “the meme lords” for a reason.  
-They're such dumbasses...- smiled Hajime. He never understood if they were a couple or not, but it was sure that they were (romantically or platonically) such an iconic duo, in both sports and life. He must have had a person like this too, but where were they now? Why couldn't he remember them?  
He decided to text Oikawa since he gave him his number.

[Hi, Oikawa.  
I'm sorry for what happened, I hope you didn't misunderstood. Anyway, I really had fun today, let's spend more time together.  
Iwaizumi]

Tooru didn't read the message.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The doorbell rang.

-Who is it...- mumbled Iwaizumi getting up from bed.  
-Good morning Iwa-chan!  
-Oikawa? But... it's 8 in the morning...  
-So? C'mon! I want to take you somewhere!  
-We aren't doing like yesterday, are we?  
-Don't worry, today isn't as cold as yesterday, even though there is still so much snow. Alright, get dressed and let's go out!  
-Okay...  
Iwaizumi really couldn't understand why he was doing what that stranger told him to. They had known each other for three days, but he felt like he could trust him. Well, he actually enjoyed staying with him, he didn't have any better to do.  
-Oi, Iwa-chan! What's in this trunk?- asked Oikawa getting closer to it.  
-DON'T OPEN IT!- Iwaizumi ran out of the bathroom to stop Tooru.  
-W-what's wrong with it?  
-I actually don't know. Just, don't open it. I feel like it should stay closed.  
Oikawa looked disappointed by the black-haired guy's words, but the latter didn't seem to care.

-Where are we going? It's been snowing for days, we can't go much far- asked Iwaizumi trying to keep up with Oikawa, who walked really fast.  
-Don't worry, we're staying in Tokyo- answered Tooru.  
The place they reached made something trigger in Iwaizumi's mind: it was a known place, he was sure he had already been there with Oikawa, even though it sounded ridiculous.  
It was a small square, now empty, with an old fountain in the middle.  
-Oikawa, have we already been here together?  
-Why do you ask?  
-I don't know, I just have this feeling...  
-Me too- smiled Oikawa. It was a sad, nostalgic smile, it hid something more. Tooru had a forced expression on his face, Iwaizumi would have called it this way: it felt like he was holding back tears, a veil of sadness covered his face. In that moment Oikawa seemed out of this world, Iwaizumi couldn't perceive him as real, he looked dead. The shorter guy tried to get those thoughts out of his head.  
The view was spotless, it felt like that image was trapped in an instant of time; the snow kept falling slowly, in a rain of soft icy diamonds of many shapes too small to be seen. In that square of Tokyo, only Oikawa and Iwaizumi could enjoy that wonderful landscape, that feeling of peace was for them only. The snowy sky was as white as milk, crossed by small strapes of gray.  
-Oikawa, are you okay? Why aren't you talking?  
He didn't answer. Iwaizumi looked at him: his eyes seemed turned off, his nose and hands were red, his breath strained.  
-O-Oikawa?  
He fell.  
-OIKAWA, WHAT'S WRONG? Hajime was really concerned.  
-Sorry, Iwa-chan... I don't feel well...  
-Let's go home, Oikawa.  
-But...  
-I said let's go home.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
When they were back at Hajime's place, the latter helped the taller guy to lie on his bed. He took a wool blanket and gave it to him to warm up: Oikawa trembled as his skin became as cold as marble; his body seemed lifeless.  
-I'm sorry, Iwa-chan... I think I'm sick...- Oikawa smiled dully.  
-You don't have to apologize... you're such an idiot, look at you! You chose to get sick just to hang out with me!  
-I just wanted to spend time with you, Hajime...-sobbed Tooru; the other guy blushed.  
-What do you mean?  
-Nothing...  
-Oikawa  
-Mh?  
-You live alone, right? And you have no one to spend time with  
-Yes, that's right  
-You can stay here.  
-WHAT?!  
-Stay here. It's not a big deal... You get sick like nothing, I don't want to leave you alone. If you need something I'll go to your house and take it  
-No, I don't need anything... well, if I can stay I'll do it!  
-Okay. Since we're staying home, I'll lend you some of my clothe- Iwaizumi stopped as he opened the right side of the drawer. Why did he open it? His clothes were on the left, the right should have been empty, right? Yet he found clothes that weren't his.  
-Something's wrong, Iwa-chan?  
-N-no... just, these clothes aren't mine...  
-They're mine  
-Yours?  
-Y-yes... I-I must have taken them here on the 25th!  
-Why?  
-Uhm... because I wanted to stay here!  
-Oikawa, will you ever say something that makes sense?  
-I know... I just can't explain it to you, not now.  
-Not now? Anyhow it's better this way, I don't need to go out  
-Should we watch a movie?  
-If it's not a Christmas one, I'm fine with it- smiled Iwaizumi.  
Both sitting on the bed, covered by the wool blanket and drinking some hot tea, they turned on the tv and started watching the first movie they found.  
-Can I get closer to you, Iwa-chan?  
-Mh? Why?  
-It's just that I haven't hugged someone in a long time...  
-Alright, come here  
Oikawa got closer, his head resting on Iwaizumi's chest. The latter's heart skipped a beat. Why did the feeling of Tooru staying this close to him felt familiar? He felt another pain in the head and saw the image of a boy resting on his chest: he was just laying there, caressed by the black-haired guy, his hair brown and wavy. Thinking about it, that scene looked really similar to what was happening in that moment. Iwaizumi ran his hand through Oikawa's hair.  
-You know, being with you is strange, Oikawa  
-What do you mean?- Tooru sounded very relaxed.  
-I feel like everything we are doing has already happened. Even now, I feel like we've already stayed like this many times before. We've been knowing each other for a few days but you're like a childhood friend to me  
-I have the same feeling...  
-You don't sound very happy about it  
-You know, Iwa-chan, sometimes it's better not to know. Other times the world tries to open you eyes, but you keep sleeping  
-What does it mean? We were talking about a completely different thing!  
Oikawa didn't answer. In a few seconds he fell asleep, resting next to his friend. Hajime's heartbeat was regular and relaxed, while Tooru's was anything but that.  
Iwaizumi turned off the TV and lay down slowly, he didn't want to wake up the other guy. He got closer to his forehead and pressed his lips against it.  
"He doesn't have a fever..." he thought.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Oikawa's health got worse.  
He couldn't stand up for more than 5 minutes, his skin was white as a corpse's, his nose and hands red even if he never went outside, staying in warmed by blankets and by an electric heater. Iwaizumi always asked him about his conditions, but he never answered. It wasn't just a cold, it was something way more serious than that.  
However, Iwaizumi didn't really want to know what was happening to Oikawa since he had grown fond of him. He didn't want to get hurt.  
He was scared to know what was going on: he wanted to take Tooru to the hospital, but the latter kept begging him not to.  
In those days Iwaizumi received a lot of text messages from Matsukawa and Hanamaki.

[Hi Iwa! How are you doing? We're back in Tokyo, do you want us to visit?  
Makki]

[Hello, Hanamaki. No, thanks, you don't need to come, this snow makes it hard to drive! I recently met a guy, his name is Tooru Oikawa. He's really sick so he's staying at my place, but when he gets better we'll definitely come to your house! I want you to meet, he's a strange guy but I'm sure you'll get along easily.  
Iwaizumi]  
-Hey Oikawa  
-Mh?  
-Let's take a selfie, I want to send it to some friends of mine that I'd like you to meet!  
Oikawa became even paler than he already was, terrified by Iwaizumi's words.  
-What's wrong? You seem pretty egocentric, you aren't telling me you don't like to be in pictures, are you?  
-N-no... okay...  
Iwaizumi took a selfie and sent it to Hanamaki.  
-You'll like them! Their names are Issei Matsukawa and Takahiro Hanamaki.  
-I know these names...  
-Do you want me to believe you've already met them in "some game"?- Iwaizumi teased him.  
-Yeah, it's probably like that!- laughed Tooru.

*on the other side of the city*  
-H-Hey Issei, come here...  
-What happened?  
-Iwa sent us a picture...  
Reading the text and looking at the photo, Matsukawa couldn't help but pale.  
Even though the text said that he was with a friend, Iwaizumi was the only one in the picture.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
-Looks like it isn't going to stop...  
-Yeah, it's been this way for days now  
-Iwa-chan, what do you want to do on New Years' Eve?  
-What? We'll stay home of course!  
-I'm sorry you have to stay here... you can go outside if you want to!  
-Are you dumb? I'm staying with you of course, I'm not going anywhere  
-I've always loved snow. When I was a kid I freaked out everytime the first snowflakes appeared. I also loved to make snowmans, I had fun making them with y...  
-With?  
-A friend of mine  
-Childhood friend?  
Tooru nodded, looking out of the window.  
-Oikawa, I feel like you often cut off what you're saying to hide something. Who are you?- Iwaizumi got closer to him; he wasn't angry, but Oikawa knew he wanted answers.  
-I'm nobody special, Iwa-chan. I'm just Tooru Oikawa- he smiled; it was a fake smile, but the black-haired guy didn't insist. Maybe it wasn't that important to know everything about that strange guy.  
-Snow is weak- Oikawa started- it's so weak that tears can melt it. It doesn't last forever, just like people do. It comes, it goes, it changes, sometimes it is weak, sometimes it is majestic and strong. I was too. I was as majestic as the white snow that's been covering Tokyo for more than a week. They called me "the Grand King".  
Iwaizumi felt a terrible pain in the head, and again an image appeared: it was him, Matsukawa and Hanamaki on the last day of highschool, posing for a picture. There was also another guy with them, but Hajime couldn't see his face.  
-Iwa-chan, are you okay?  
-Yeah, sorry, I just need to sit down... Oikawa?  
-Tell me  
-Do you think it's possible to forget completely someone that's been really important to you?  
-No, I don't think it is. Or at least I hope so! There is one person that mustn't forget me, no matter what happens!  
-Your girlfriend?  
-They're much more than a girlfriend! They're the love of my life! You see, I'm not part of their life anymore, it happened against my will... everyday I pray they don't forget me...  
-I hope they don't if that's the case... well, I think I forgot someone... I keep having this flashbacks where I see blurry images out of context... I know I should remember, but I can't think of anyone- Iwaizumi was confused. Oikawa hugged him. They simply stayed there, no words needed.  
Iwaizumi breathed in deeply, enjoying Oikawa's scent: even if he was sick, his smell was as good as ever, a peculiar smell that Hajime identified as "home".  
Maybe Oikawa was his new home.  
For the second time.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
It was December 31st, 2 hours until midnight.  
Iwaizumi and Oikawa were laying on the bed watching a movie, "P.S. I love you"  
-You know, Iwa-chan, I'll do the same...  
-What?  
-If I died leaving my partner alone I would try to get them one last gift before disappearing. Even just a letter. I couldn't just leave forever without saying goodbye...  
-Don't think about it.  
Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa, whose head was resting on his chest like it usually happened. His cold wasn't getting any better, in fact it was getting worse. Everyday Oikawa was weaker than the day before, he had lost weight, he often felt nauseous and had pain in the chest, and Iwaizumi was sure he had hypotension.  
He was getting worse too fast for it to be a simple cold. Iwaizumi had thought to do some researches on the internet, but it was degenerating too quickly to be something he could understand. In less than a week since the first symptomes, Tooru had became a completely different person: the hot volleyball player who had to join the Club Athletico San Juan was now a sick guy weak as a terminally ill person.  
-It's almost midnight Oikawa, are you ready?  
-Mh- he nodded.  
-What do you want this year?  
-I want the love of my life to be happy again, even without me- Iwaizumi felt a soft smile grow on Oikawa's face, though he couldn't see it staying in that position- What about you?  
-To be honest, I want you to get better  
-Are you serious?  
-Of course I am! You're my friend!  
-Yeah...  
Oikawa didn't see the New Year's start.  
-Happy New Year, Tooru- whispered Hajime leaving a tender kiss on his (now asleep) friend's forehead. He thought Oikawa was really cute while sleeping.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The first days of the new year passed. Oikawa was exhausted, he basically couldn't move, Iwaizumi had to do everything for him (even taking him to the bathroom).  
-I'm sorry, this is so embarassing- sighed with pain Oikawa; talking was really hard.  
-Don't worry, just relax and don't think about it  
-Iwa-chan?  
-What's wrong?  
-If I were to disappear forever, how would you react?  
-H-How would I know... I'd be... sad, I think.- Iwaizumi's voice freezed up, he didn't know how to answer properly.  
-Yeah, guess you'd be sad...  
-Oikawa, you are sick. And you know what's going on in your body, am I wrong?  
-Yes, I know. Your eyes are talking, Hajime!- Iwaizumi was literally begging him to tell everything- Alright. I suffer from...  
Addison's disease.  
Iwaizumi wasn't a medical student, but he knew this name.  
-If I'm not wrong, it isn't a terminal illness. It destroyes you immunitary defense but it can be helped, right?  
-Yes, it's not terminal but adrenal crisis are. I could die if I had one. I'm scared, really scared- Oikawa started trembling. Iwaizumi hugged him and lay down with him, keeping him close and caressing his soft hair.  
-I wanted to do so many things, Hajime. I don't wanna die, not now. I want to recover and live every single day to the fullest. But I don-  
-You'll win. I'll be with you, Tooru, we'll get through this together.  
Oikawa cried, clinging to Iwaizumi like he was going to fall.  
-When you'll feel better we'll make a snowman together.  
Even if I have to wait until next winter.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
-AHHHHH!- Iwaizumi woke up after a nightmare. He breathed heavily, his forehead covered in sweat. He washed his face in the bathroom and when he got back to his room he noticed that his bed was empty.  
Oikawa wasn't there.  
In 5 minutes he got dressed and got outside of his house, running in the night.   
He ran, he ran until his legs were begging him to stop, the icy air piercing his skin. He instinctively reached the park where he had met Oikawa 2 weeks before.  
He saw him standing in the snow.  
-TOORU!!!- Iwaizumi shouted.  
-Don't you think it's time to let me go, Hajime?  
The taller guy turned to face Iwaizumi. His face was tired, his body so thin and weak that it was impossible to believe he was standing there by himself.  
-L-letting you go? Wh-what the hell are you talking about...  
-You know what I'm talking about, Hajime. Open your eyes. Open them.  
Iwaizumi remembered.  
He fell on the ground having a panick attack. He breathed heavily while those scenes crossed his mind, causing him a terrible pain everywhere. 

"I WANT TO SEE HIM!"  
"Iwaizumi-san, there's nothing we can do"  
"Hey Iwa-chan! Tomorrow I have the flight for Argentina! I'll be back soon, don't worry!"  
"Iwaizumi, I'm Matsukawa. You have to come to the hospital."  
"Hey Iwa, I'm Hanamaki. I know you probably don't wanna talk, but please answer. Issei and I are worried for you..."  
"Iwaizumi-san, we're sorry for your loss."

-Hajime...-Oikawa tried to touch Iwaizumi's face but the guy slapped his hand.  
-DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME! YOU'RE A FUCKING LIAR!  
-Hajime... please...  
-PLEASE? HOW COULD YOU LIE TO ME THIS WAY! I WANTED TO MARRY YOU TOORU! AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN TOLD ME YOU WERE DYING!  
-Hajime I couldn't do otherwise!  
-YOU COULD! WE COULD HAVE GONE THROUGH THIS TOGETHER! I WOULD HAVE BROUGHT YOU ANYWHERE TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER! YOU DISAPPEARED FOR TWO MONTHS SAYING YOU WERE IN ARGENTINA, BUT YOU WERE A FEW KILOMETERS FAR FROM HOME, ALONE IN A FUCKING HOSPITAL ROOM! I NEVER GOT TO SAY GOODBYE, DO YOU UNDERSTAND? You... you aren't there anymore, Tooru...- Iwaizumi was destroyed by pain, his heart shattered into a million pieces.  
-Hajime, look at me- Oikawa took his boyfriend's face in his hands.  
-Why are you doing this to me...  
-I love you Hajime. I love you more than everything!- Oikawa smiled through a billion tears- I'm the happiest person in the world! I love you, Hajime Iwaizumi! It doesn't matter where I am, I'll love you forever! And I'm happy that I finally got to say goodbye! Let me go, ACE!  
Oikawa disappeared.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Hajime Iwaizumi lost his soulmate on December 15th, 2018, a few days before meeting him again in that park. When he saw the corpse of his dead boyfriend in that hospital bed he felt the void inside of him. It was like someone had opened his body removing everything he had, from organs to soul. He felt like an empty, useless shell. He then fainted and stayed in coma for 3 days, waking up unaware of what happened days before. The doctors thought of dissociative amnesia caused by the trauma and sent him home since he seemed to have forgotten only his boyfriend.  
Now he understood. He understood why that kid in the park asked his mum why he was talking to himself. He understood why people at the market looked at him with concern. He understood why Oikawa never read his message. He understood why Oikawa's clothes were already at his place. He understood why Tooru got worse so fast. He understood everything.  
It had been an hallucination.  
Oikawa had never been there since the day they met at the park.  
Oikawa was dead, and he wasn't coming back.  
Never.  
Iwaizumi went back home, he had no energy at all.  
He just wanted to sleep.  
Forever.  
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The doorbell rang for more than 5 minutes, when Iwaizumi found the strenght to get up and open the door. Matsukawa and Hanamaki were there.  
-Hey Iwa! It's been a month!- Makki tried to sound enthusiastic but was really embarassed.  
-Well, if you don't mind we're coming in, it's so cold outside!- Mattsun was really uncomfortable.  
-Why didn't anyone tell me.  
The two guys stopped, unable to say anything.  
-Why didn't anyone tell me Oikawa was sick. Why didn't anyone tell me he was dead after I forgot him.  
-Iwaizumi, we...  
-SHUT THE FUCK UP TAKAHIRO!- the guy punched the wall making some plaster fall.  
-Why. Why Oikawa. WHY DID OIKAWA HAVE TO DIE!- he started crying furiously, no words left for the others.  
-Iwaizumi, it's time for us to tell you how it went...- said Matsukawa- Do you want to explain it yourself, Takahiro? Oikawa and you were closer than me and him...  
-Yes, I'll do it. Listen Iwaizumi, you don't have to be mad at Oikawa. He did it for you. He thought he could make it... He was diagnosed with Addison's disease last summer, but it got worse only in October, and that's when he faked his trip to Argentina. He knew you trusted him so he thought it was the best thing to do. You know, he often said that he hated to be ugly in front of you, he was such a diva!- Hanamaki tried to joke but Iwaizumi stared at the ceiling, tears rolling down his face like the Niagara falls-... the disease isn't terminal, but the adrenal crisis are... he was at our place when it happened, Issei was at work. He knew about Oikawa's health, I told him everything so he could cover him with you, so I called him. Oikawa fell on the ground with a terrible pain in the chest and legs, his heartbeat went faster and faster until he had convulsions, then he fainted. We took him to the hospital, but it was too late... Iwaizumi, we're truly sorry... I'm sorry we didn't told you before, we didn't want to bring back your trauma... you seemed fine...  
-Oikawa died in pain, right?  
Matsukawa and Hanamaki didn't know what to say, they just tried to hold back tears.  
-Tooru died in a terrible pain, alone in that hospital room. Am I right?  
-Iwa... we're sorry...- sobbed Issei.  
-Wow... Now I understand. He tried to tell me he wasn't there. You know, I met him again on December 23rd. We met in a park, things happened and he stayed here with me. I thought he was real, I even sent you a selfie!- Iwaizumi smiled bitterly- And you know what? In just two weeks I fell in love with him for the second time. I think Tooru was my soulmate. And now I've lost him forever. Life really is a bitch...  
Hanamaki and Matsukawa couldn't figure out if he was accepting his boyfriend's death or if he was gonna have a heart attack. His face and voice were incomprehensible.  
-Iwa, Oikawa wrote this... in case he died, he asked us to give it to you at the right moment. I think you're ready now. But I, no, WE have a request.- said Matsukawa.  
-A letter?  
-You must promise that you won't be mad at him. He did it for you. You have no idea of how much he cried on the phone, when he called us from his hospital room. He wanted to be with you, he needed you by his side. But he wanted to protect you, because he was sure he was gonna make it and that he would have just "came back from Argentina". Oikawa loved you more than everything, Iwaizumi, and I'm sure he still does wherever he is now. But you have to let him go. If not for yourself, do it for him. He wouldn't like to see you this way.- Hanamaki tried to keep his cool, but after all he had also lost a dear friend.  
-We're leaving you now, you don't have to read it today. Open it whenever you want. But, if you need anything, if you want to stay with u-  
-It's okay, Matsukawa. Thanks for everything guys.

"I think it's time to open that trunk" thought Iwaizumi when he was alone.  
He found his Christmas present for Oikawa. He never gave it to him.  
"So that's why I didn't want to open it..."  
He unwrapped it: it was an alien pajamas and a three-days trip to Kyoto, a city that Tooru wanted to visit so bad.  
-We should have left yesterday, Shittykawa... you're always late...- he smiled.  
Since he hadn't moved from his bed for three days (except for his vital functions), he went to the bathroom, cleaned himself up and got dressed. Then, he sat at the dining table.  
He opened the letter.  
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[Hi, Hajime.  
I'm at the hospital. If you're reading this, I hope Makki and Mattsun told you everything (or I'll kill them >:C).  
I wonder what it's like, to be dead I mean. Well, since you're reading this I guess I know. It's sad, isn't it? I thought I could make it, but life didn't think the same. I just wonder why.  
You know, I still remember the day we met. We were so young, but I still remember it clearly. That park in Miyagi will always be in my heart: it's where I met the love of my life!  
Hajime, I think I've always loved you. Even if I acted like a playboy with girls (and I had more girlfriends than you >u<) my heart was yours and yours only. When you confessed to me after the match against Karasuno I was going to die from happiness! We were walking down the street to go home when you got closer and kissed me! You were so cute when you said "Don't you dare talking about it to anyone, Shittykawa", you were so embarassed! Oh, not to mention our first date, those bracelets with our names were amazing. It's a shame that those thughs stole us them less than one year later... I knew we shouldn't have gone in that street!  
Hajime, I don't know when I'll die; you could read this two days or two years from now. I bought you a Christmas present, I don't know if I'll be able to give it to you myself. If I can't, I hid it, find it yourself ;)  
Hajime, I really love you. I hope you never doubted because you would disappoint me a lot! You're not only my boyfriend, you're my whole world. I know that if every single thing in this world hated me, you'd be here to support me. I know that even if every single person wanted me to die, you'd be my safe place, my home.  
Hajime, the thought of leaving you hurts more than everything. I swear that it's worse than being sick!  
I want to ask you a thing, but you must promise that you'll do it.  
C'mon, promise. I see that you keep reading.  
Promised? Good.  
Don't forget me. Please, just don't.  
Go on, live your life to the fullest, make mistakes, have fun, fall in love again, but please don't forget me. Don't forget me Iwa-chan.  
Don't forget that silly kid that acted like a queen.  
Don't forget that insicure boy that trained until his knees hurt.  
Don't forget that confident highschooler who was called "the Grand King".  
Don't forget that guy that loves you more than everything else.  
I don't wanna be selfish Hajime, but I'm sure that no one's ever gonna love you like I did. My love for you is too strong to be replaced by someone else. You'll find the right person, but please remember how much I love you. Don't you dare forget me, I beg you. Please.  
I'm leaving you the life I never got to live.  
Live for me, Hajime.  
I must go now. I love you, Hajime Iwaizumi.  
Forever yours, in good and bad times, in health and sickness, your husband Tooru Oikawa.  
(P.S. No I'm not a seer, Mattsun told me you talked about marriage. I would have married you if I got the chance)  
I love you.]

Iwaizumi found his Christmas present under Tooru's clothes.  
It was a coach uniform with the text "Hajime Iwaizumi" on the back and a dvd.  
He inserted it into the player: it was a minimovie with all the photos and videos of them that Oikawa had in his phone.  
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A few days later Hajime was able to go outside. Matsukawa and Hanamaki had already called his University to exempt him until he was able to restart classes. With all the courage he had, he went to the cemetery.  
The tombstone said:  
"Tooru Oikawa, promise of volleyball and a lovely boyfriend.  
20.07.1994-15.12.2018"  
The funeral never took place: Iwaizumi was explained that Oikawa asked to be buried without ceremonies; the quote was made by Matsukawa and Hanamaki.  
-At least this quote wasn't written by you... you would've been egocentric until the end...- Iwaizumi laughed.  
Suddenly he felt a presence on his right, he turned to face it.  
Oikawa was there, as bright as the sun, in top conditions. And he was looking at him with that wonderful smile that made him fall in love.  
-Tooru... you aren't here, are you? It's an hallucination, right?  
The image nodded.  
-Tooru... are you coming back next winter?  
He shaked his head.  
-Are you ready to go?  
He nodded.  
-Then, good luck to the both of us.  
Oikawa moved his mouth.  
"Aishiteru"  
Iwaizumi read his lips.  
The image disappeared, smiling.  
-Tooru, I know you're not gonna answer but... why you? Why did they have to take you?- he cried.  
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[Snow is weak, it's so weak that tears can melt it. It doesn't last forever, just like people do. It comes, it goes, it changes, sometimes it is weak, sometimes it is majestic and strong. You were too. You were as majestic as the white snow that's been covering Tokyo for more than two weeks. They called you "the Grand King".  
My tears melted your image, just as they melt snow. I think that this is why I hate it, because it's weak.  
You know, you once said to me that sometimes the world tries to open your eyes but you keep sleeping. You were right. I didn't want to see. I didn't want to accept that my love was gone forever. You, my world, were trying to make me open my eyes, but I kept sleeping. You're not coming back. I know it. And it hurts so bad.  
I can't describe what I'm feeling right now. I feel a terrible pain, a pain that I almost don't notice anymore. I lost everything I had.  
But it's thanks to you that I'll turn this pain into strenght to go on. I'll keep going because I know that, even if I won't see you, you'll always be by my side.  
I wanted to marry you, but being connected to you even though we are in different worlds means so much more.  
Snow is weak, a single drop of water can melt it; just like one teardrop can melt an entire reality.  
You died in a rainy day, but it was snow that took you away from me.  
Maybe that's why I hate it.  
I wanted to make a snowman with you again, but you know, YOU are my snowman.  
Weak, melted by my salty tears and by the hot sun that burned inside you.  
Yeah, you're definitely the best snowman.  
Tooru Oikawa, my snowman, it's time to say goodbye.  
I love you forever.  
Your husband, Hajime Iwaizumi.]

That text message will never reach Oikawa's turned off phone.  
But even if no one's ever gonna check it, Iwaizumi knows that Tooru doesn't need to read those words to know how much his dear Hajime loves him.


End file.
